


Dear Heart, From Darren

by ohmywhy



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 11:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2730830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmywhy/pseuds/ohmywhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darren writes a letter to his heart, regarding Chris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Heart, From Darren

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't so much fic, as my emotional outpourings thinking about Darren with a broken heart.

To my heart,

This is ridiculous. I know. It’s completely ridiculous to write this letter. You’re  _my heart_ , my fucking heart, a vital organ, not a living, breathing, capable-of-reading-and-comprehending being. But, I swear, if I don’t write this to you, I might lose my mind. So, this is my letter of explanation to you. This is my way of sitting you down and shushing you and telling you – It’s not going to happen. You just have to face it.

We are on completely different pages, and I can’t do it anymore. First things first, I can’t lie to you. He’s not here, and he’s not coming back.

I let him go.

You know, don’t you? You’ve known, haven’t you?

I didn’t want to let him leave, but he wasn’t the same.

I don’t know how to tell you that you  _can_ move on. That it’s well past time to. I did try to pretend for very long, for your sake, that he wasn’t gone, but it didn’t work. It’s not working. You still scream in agony for him every day. So, that’s it. It ends here.

I can’t give him what he wants, Heart. He’s not happy. I couldn’t make him happy anymore. He wanted someone who wasn’t afraid to be true to themselves, who very much stood for the same things he does. And, I swear to you, above everything else, I stand for his honesty. I stand to be true to myself. But fuck, I’m being offered my fucking dreams here. How am I supposed to turn that down?

Don’t yell at me. Don’t… hurt me like this. Don’t squeeze tightly in my chest and pain me. I know he’s my dream too, but I… I’ve worked so hard for this. I deserve this. I do. And he does too. And now he has it. He has it with someone else, and if someone else can give that to him better than I can, then so be it. I have to live with that. We have to live with that. You and I, Heart, we can do this. We can pretend not to miss him. We can go on.

I remember when it all began, you know. A dinner and a concert. It was so goddamn simple back then. I was supposed to take Joey to that concert, did you know? But his eyes… Those eyes… Shit, I was a goner. And he was going on and on about A Very Potter Musical and how he loved it and wow he couldn’t believe it was actually me, and suddenly, I was fascinated in a guy who was way too much for me. Younger, but way beyond his years. Talented and gorgeous.

I shouldn’t have kissed him that first time. I really shouldn’t have. But I think maybe I was high on his sweet cologne, and my brain was mush from spending the whole night with him, and I couldn’t control myself. I blame you for that, you know? You fucking fluttered. Not cool.

And then, suddenly, you fluttered every fucking time he was in the room, and how was I supposed to quiet that? How was I supposed to tell you, “No, you’re not supposed to fall in love with your costar, because this is bad news for both of you?” Huh? I don’t control you. You don’t do what I tell you. You beat to your own drum. Plus, I didn’t want to control you. Do you know how freeing it felt to love him?

I still feel free. I mean, I’m not, but I feel it. Then again, I still love him. We always will. Get used to it.

He was it for me, really.

We’ll find others, and we’ll think it’s love, but it won’t be. You’ll know it. My mind won’t, but Heart, you will. So just… let me believe for a little, okay? I beg you let me pretend for a while that everybody else can make me feel just like he did.

I’m sorry he stole you like that. I’m sorry you’re no longer whole, just broken pieces.

But I’m not sorry he loved you. I’m not sorry he kept you.

I am sorry it had to end this way.

Fuck.

Regretfully,  
Darren


End file.
